You Wanted More
by ProfessorFerrars3256
Summary: Five years post breakup, Severus Snape invites Hermione Granger to lunch, starting a tradition, though they find themselves awkward and at odds with each other over the years. AU, sort of DH epilogue compliant. Snape lives. Rating for language and themes.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Some elements of the epilogue of DH are present throughout, but obviously Snape lives and I've worked with a different timeline. This is my first attempt at a fic completely or mostly from SS's point of view, so hopefully I didn't bugger it up too much. There is some language, so if that isn't your thing, sorry! Also, he's a smoker in this one as well. This fic is inspired by the poem and short movie, Song of Lunch, except I take liberties with the time and their relationship, basing them on JK's characters. Thanks for reading- let me know what you think!

Five Years

The wind whipped through him like an icy gale, disturbing the scowl on his face and forcing him to shiver for a moment, thankful he wore so many layers. It was remarkably cold in Edinburgh for April, but Severus Snape didn't mind the cold so much as the blasted wind it had seemed to bring with it, requiring more than his typical scarf and umbrella, he wore leather gloves and a heavy overcoat as he walked down Princes Street, hoping to make it to the restaurant before she did.

She, Hermione, his mind raced over their history, strange couplings in the hospital wing, two years of entanglements and hushed moans, two years of his hands memorizing every inch of her flesh, his heart thawing marginally before he could no longer look at her as someone of nineteen and twenty; she was his second love, one he hadn't wanted to leave but had. That had been five years ago, her eyes filled with tears and anger, so completely awestruck that she didn't even say goodbye to him, she simply stood and walked away. They'd been walking by the Scott Monument, lounging in the sun on a particularly fine bench when he'd finally said what he'd been meaning to for weeks; he could no longer pretend their attachment would lead to anything more than what it was, and he knew she wanted more. She had always wanted more. Watching her walk away had been hard for him, but he knew in the long run that she would be happier if he cut her loose then instead of several years down the road when she'd become even more attached to him.

Running his hands over the letter he received in reply to his offer of lunch, Severus studied her script, the soft penmanship he remembered from her days as a student, all loops and curves, exactly how he recalled it to be. He wondered if she had changed much, was she still full of questions and life, so eager to meet each day as though it was her last. That ebullience had affected him for a while, he too began to greet days with open eyes and mind, but after she'd been gone for a while, it was easy to shut himself away. The only time they'd come across each other was at the Ministry when they'd received their Orders of Merlin. Her dress robes were maroon and silver, fitted softly against her body, the one he had once worshipped, and her lackeys were falling over themselves to help her, at least it had appeared that way to him as he watched them in stealth mode, his spy days giving him a great advantage. To everyone else she'd looked quite well put together, but Severus noted her hand trembling several times as she toasted with champagne. Merlin, he'd wanted to take her hand and whisk her away and take it all back, if only to see her at ease again, but he was steadfast, she wanted more. Instead, he went back to his flat with Professor Vector and had his wicked way with her, they'd done it many times before when they were both single and unwilling to didn't mind when Severus threw her out of his flat hours later, nor did she mind when he took her frequently at school, cooling their trysts when she found love two years ago, leaving Severus to find a new fuckbuddy.

Taking the seat facing the door, Severus looked over the menu as though he hadn't been to the restaurant many times. It had been their favorite when she stayed with him in Edinburgh, an italian joint with hideous decorations and even more ridiculous music. She had always gotten the caesar salad and eggplant parmesan, he the fried calamari and margherita pizza, which she stole bites of every damn time, even after he'd offered to share with her, she still stole bites because of his ridiculous habit of cutting his pizza and eating it with a fork. Lost in thought looking over the menu, he hadn't even noticed Hermione come in and take the seat across from him, that was until she reached across the table and softly ran her fingers across his, onyx eyes meeting chesnutt, almost as sinister as when she was a student.

"Drinks?" The waiter, not more than seventeen interrupted his sizing up of Hermione, she looked exactly the same.

"Wine?" She nodded no, and asked for water. "A red, the chateaux, one bottle." A gentle smile from him reminded him of their first real date, he'd taken her to see a play at the gallery in Old Town and she'd grasped his arm so tightly he thought she was terrified of walking around the safest city he'd ever lived in.

"You look well." Her voice brought him out of his memory, it was hard not to stare at her, the softness of her curls, the natural blush of her cheeks.

"You look exactly the same." Hermione placed her bag on the ground, he noted the three books sticking out from the zipper, of course she was carrying books, did she ever stop?

"I read your recent journal articles on acromantula venom; did Hagrid get a new pet?" The waiter interrupted them again, uncorking both bottle and pouring a snifter for Severus, who promptly swirled his glass and took a deep breath, breathing in the delicious scent of the red wine.

"It hasn't had enough time to breath, but it's passable."

"Hagrid?" Hermione took a sip of the wine, smiling at him again, tucking a stray curl behind her ear, and gazing through her eyelashes at him, she handed the glass back to him,and returned to her water. It was unnerving for a moment, so he took another large gulp of the wine, why was he so uncomfortable and awkward?

"Yes, he did, but it was one of Aragog's offspring who I used for the study. McGonagall was not pleased that so many carcasses were in the laboratory, but what can she do, I'm the only professor who still publishes regularly." He was vain when it suited him, something he knew Hermione had enjoyed about him when they'd been together.

"Flitwick just published an article as well, in fact I co-wrote it with him."

"Be that as it may, it's his first publishment in what, thirty years, you weren't even born when he published the last one." He noted her face dropping, his words always finding a way to hit her in the keenest way, chipping away at her optimism and sense of pride. The waiter returned.

"Have you had a chance to decide what you'd like?" His hand held a small notepad, a garish orange color.

"I'll have the...hmm...you can order first, Severus."

"The calamari and margherita pizza, extra basil." He watched her eyes scanning the menu which hadn't changed in years, she was nervous. If he'd been able to feel her pulse, he knew it would be racing.

"The caesar salad and manicotti, please." Folding her menu, she took another sip of her wine and wiped her mouth, finally finding his eyes again, boring a hole through her robes.

"No eggplant parm?" She ignored him and charged on.

"I was surprised you picked this place, I seem to remember you hating the service the last time." Yes, the last time, when he'd kicked her out of his life. Everything about that day had been perfect, aside from their service and of course his subsequent dismissal of her feelings and her presence from his life.

"Nostalgia means something, I guess." Another sip of wine, conversations around them drowning out the echo in his brain of her 'I love yous', her voice like caramel against his ear, her body writhing beneath his, her hands as masterful as his.

"I wonder if Louis still plays music on Fridays, he was such a laugh. Ron and Harry…" The immediate sneer of his mouth stopped her, so she quieted herself, trying not to make things worse. Folding her arms across her chest, Severus saw it...a diamond solitaire on her ring finger, shining bright enough to catch his eye.

"That's new." He spat, filling his glass, drinking quickly as he did. One bottle was almost gone.

"Yes, we're getting married in June." He wanted to ask, 'to whom', but he didn't really care, it wasn't himself so it didn't matter. She was free to marry whomever she wanted, though he knew she was most likely going to destroy anyone she married with her brilliance.

"Congratulations." But he didn't mean it, he wanted her to be miserable, to have lost it all when he told her goodbye.

"I'm moving to a new department, Magical Cooperation, deputy head, that'll be in July when we come home from Spain. Oh, and Molly and Arthur told me to remind you that they're expecting you next week, cryptic though they were." His gentle nod meant he wouldn't be telling her why, but from her facial expressions, he guessed that her betrothed was Ronald Weasley. He was sick.

"Molly also said she had some new herbs for you, something about a delicate, something. Sorry, I should've written it down, normally I'd have no trouble remembering but she and I were talking about so many other things with the wedding and all, I apologize." He drained his wine once more, it was Ronald Fucking Weasley, and she would be miserable for the rest of her life. He imagined her with seven children, all red-headed and deplorable, her fine figure ruined by years of birthing Weasleys and her mind, her brilliant mind, reduced to a nursery rhyme, mimicking the songs of his youth.

"Here you go." The waiter was nice enough, but Severus was tired of the interruptions. As she had done before, Hermione placed several calamata olives on Severus's plate and took two calamari, without asking.

"Will you ever order your own damn food?" He snapped, but she didn't quake.

"You knew what you were getting yourself into, Severus, remember you sent me a letter of invitation, why did you, by the way? We haven't seen each other in, what, four years?" Taking a bite of salad, he watched as her mouth encircled the fork, her soft lips, the ones he'd once cherished.

"Nostalgia, I guess, just like this ruddy place." He went to pour more wine into her glass and his, but she declined, putting her hand over the glass and watching as his temper flared.

"Does your fiance know you're here?" He boldly asked, trying to unnerve her.

"Of course, I don't keep anything from Ron." Gods, she'd said it...Ronald Fucking Weasley. He leaned back in his chair slightly, observing how content she appeared, her face as exuberant as it had always been. When he'd stared long enough, drowning out whatever she was babbling on about, he excused himself from the table and went to the washroom. The wine was overpowering his sensibilities, he didn't want to tell her what an idiot she was for marrying the redheaded nuisance, he didn't want to tell her how much he missed her or how beautiful she was, even more so than when she was younger. Instead, he pissed and washed his hands, finally settling back at the table, their entrees before him.

"I like your hair like this, it's different." Hermione finally said, breaking the awkward silence, at least for the moment in which it was said. But Severus did nothing but nod, cutting his pizza carefully, watching her eat her manicotti, each slice the precision of potions work. When she stole a piece of his pizza, he scowled but knew there was no helping it, she was the same person, at least fundamentally.

"Harry's had a son, James, he is a butterball and so like Harry's mother. I guess Ginny's genes are congruent to Lily's because James has Lily's exact hair and eye color, it's striking seeing him. Do you want to see?" Hermione reached for her bag, not waiting for Severus to answer, and pulled from it a picture of a chubby baby of six months with red hair, not quite Weasley red, but certainly the same shade as his grandmother's and those green eyes, eyes he'd know anywhere. Apparently Potter really hadn't told Hermione everything from the pensieve, all his memories they'd collected the night of his attempted death. He'd told her some stories about Lily and his devotion to her, but not to the extent that Potter had seen in his memories.

"Another James Potter, I hope I'm retired before he comes to Hogwarts." Handing the photo back to Hermione, Snape couldn't get the eyes out of his mind, eyes he'd loved for so long and hated. Now he saw only large, doe eyes, meeting his in equal measure. She had become unreadable.

"What would you do?" But he barely registered her question, he was focused on Lily's eyes.

"Severus? Where are you? Am I that boring?" She'd covered his resting hand with hers, massaging his palm with her thumb, and finally getting his attention.

"The wine." He replied, sipping more and refusing to answer her question. What did she care what he did when he left Hogwarts? She'd be married and three kids into her own Weasley quidditch team when he finally left the blasted school he'd devoted too much of his life to.

"I'm publishing another article in Potions Quarterly, next cycle. Viktor Krum's brother, Sergei came to the Ministry last November and we started talking about the addictive nature of Dreamless Sleep, anyway, we began trials the next month. I cannot wait to go over the data." Potions? When had she ever given a fig about potions. Was she just trying to rile him up?

"Sergei Krum brewed with you?"

"Yes, am I that terrible a brewer? I did receive top NEWTs in all my subjects, Severus. And I've yet to kill anyone, well at least with a potion."

"It just seemed out of your realm, I meant no offense." Her realm was charms and arithmancy, ancient runes. She'd shied away any time he'd asked her for assistance with his brewing and as if she could read his mind, she suddenly said; "You were frightening in the lab, I worried I'd destroy your work, if you must know. But now, I don't mind getting in the lab and brewing, especially with Sergei, he's intuitive where I still have trouble not following explicit directions." His interest was piqued, was she buggering Mr. Krum?

"That's all he does, huh, intuit potions?"

"If you're going to be nasty...I don't screw around in my relationships, Severus." The implication was that he did, that he'd stepped out on her. Had he? He thought back.

"I bet Mr. Krum would be a happier man if you did." He heard her snort and saw her eyes roll, obviously annoyed at his teasing, but he was enjoying the banter, he missed how indignant she became when challenged.

"If wasn't gay, I'd say so, but as he'd rather you shag him, I doubt my advances would be met with anything but horror." Finishing the last of her water, he felt his eyes swimming but poured more into his glass. Her hands gripped the stem of the empty water glass tightly, she was wound up now, the exact mood he would've normally taken her from the restaurant and barely made it to his flat before destroying her clothes in heated escape. What he'd give to take her, right there on the table.

"Well, you're a fount of knowledge as usual, will you be presenting this article in Munich?"

"No, Sergei will be, I unfortunately have new responsibilities that won't allow me to travel in November." Her ruddy husband probably doesn't want her traveling, he surmised, and she'd follow his orders, just as she had with him. He wondered where her Gryffindor spirit had gone, so willing to acquiesce to a man.

"Pity, they do an amazing banquet."

"I'm afraid I won't be thinking about banquets or potions, for that matter, come November, but it will be a shame to miss the panel. I attended two years ago when Dmitri Smirnov gave the panel; that was fascinating."

"Smirnov, fascinating...you're job must be dreadfully dull." Another snort and eye roll, a gentle hand at her abdomen and one on her glass, hoping their waiter would refill it with water. Her behavior suddenly seemed off, like she was trying to hide something from him. He studied her face, the same blush as when she'd entered, but there was something else, a hidden happiness or contentment he hadn't wanted to see and he figure, it seemed more mature, as though she'd finally developed into a woman and not the girl he'd stolen from Madame Pomfrey during her extra year.

"Are you seeing anyone?" He looked at her shocked that she'd want to know.

"Not often enough."

"So no, I wish you'd find someone." She patronized him with the gentle rub of her hand on his, but he wanted to figure her secret out before he let himself get lost in her touch.

"I am not like you, Hermione, I do not crave a partner, well not permanently. I've served enough masters for two lifetimes."

"You don't have to end up with someone who wants to control you, you know. As far as I can remember, you have been the dominant one in every relationship you've told me about. Honestly, you act like having someone love you is a prison sentence." Taking her napkin, she wiped her lips and shoved her food away, looking almost disgusted with him.

"It feels like it sometimes."

"Far be it for me to give you advice, I've made plenty of mistakes, but having someone around isn't a prison sentence if it's the right person. You just haven't found her yet." He drank the last of the wine and scowled, she was a romantic through and through.

"I thought you'd be angrier." He spat, the wine speaking for him.

"You didn't break me, Severus. I am not glass, I am elastic and I will always bounce back, I will fight for what I want, even if I make mistakes and ruin my life, I will keep fighting." Ruin her life?

"What have you done to ruin your life?"

"It's figure of speech, you bloody git." He reached for her hand, a moment of weakness.

"I didn't break you?"

"Did I seem that fragile? Do I now?" He ran his thumb over her knuckles, wondering if she was being completely truthful.

"It was sudden and abrupt but expected, I knew you didn't love me and I should've been stronger, I should've left before you ended things, but I didn't. You didn't break me, even though it seems like that's what you apparently wanted." He dropped her hand and folded his arms across his chest, his defensive pose. Hers mimicked his, the swell of her breasts evident. He did love her, though, he had for over six years, but love did not equate stability or the freedom he thought he needed.

"I didn't want to hurt you." But he did and he knew it, she couldn't hide that old hurt from her face as he studied sat in silence, staring at one another in fitful anger and annoyance, Hermione's eyes larger than he remembered them for the moment. He excused himself and went to the washroom once again, this time practically staggering as he did, the wine taking precedence over his senses, forcing him to sit against the wall. He didn't know how long he was there, on the floor, but when he finally returned to the table, she was gone. Their plates were cleared and the bill taken care of. He found a simply note the waiter left on his side of the table.

S- thank you for lunch. Be well. Yours, H

Be well? Thank you for lunch? She'd left, had he really been gone that long? He went over their conversation, her movements and pauses, the way she held herself even when she was angry with him, and that stupid ring. He couldn't figure her out, though he replayed the lunch over and over.

In early June, he saw their announcement in the Daily Prophet, a simple kiss between two old friends, apparently destined for marital bliss. Ronald had one arm round her shoulders and the other on her stomach, as the picture moved they kissed and both looked to his hand…'she's pregnant!' he thought, finally putting all the pieces together. It was why she'd only had one sip of wine and why she seemed more voluptuous, why she couldn't travel in November, and why her job was changing to something far less dangerous. She'd ruined her life by getting knocked up by a Weasley, she'd practically admitted it to him during her tirade against him, but he was angrier than he had a right to be. Throwing the paper into the fire, he swore and fell back against his leather chair, furious at himself and her; her for making idiotic choices and he for being entirely too selfish. Taking a cigarette from his breast pocket, he lit it and took a long drag, trying to imagine Hermione pregnant, sullying herself with a Weasley for life, and it made him ill. The first week of November, he found a tiny birth announcement for Rose Granger-Weasley, at least she'd had the good sense to keep her name.


	2. Chapter 2

Ten years

This time, Hermione wrote to him, asking for a lunch at the same restaurant and on the same date, five more years passing. Her letter had come as a surprise, one he had never anticipated. Sure, he'd thought about seeing her again, many times, but once he'd seen the announcement of the second Granger-Weasley, he found himself so disgusted he couldn't bring himself to write her. They'd crossed paths three times, once in Helsinki for a conference on Wolfsbane, then in London at the Ministry standing five feet from each other, she'd been pregnant again when he saw her, round and perfect, and the last time was months before in Dublin, another potions conference this time she presented a breakthrough in a pain potion, surpassing anything he'd thought she would accomplish while being a Ministry drone. When he found her letter amongst the adverts and mail from angry parents, he felt his heart leap, what the hell did she want after all this time?

Hearing his steps resound over and over on the cobblestone, he found her at a table, the same table, and took a seat across from her. Before he even looked up at her, he noticed she was wearing muggle clothes, a tight turquoise sweater and jeans, trainers and little jewelry, her diamond ring replaced with a simple band. Out of the corner if his eye, he finally noticed her hair and face...it was all gone, her hair was all gone.

"Well that's different." He reached across the table to touch her hair, a pixie cut. At first he'd thought she simply had it slicked back, but this was entirely different. She looked damn sexy and touching her felt right, though he regretted it the minute he brought his hand back to his side of the table. He was resigned to one glass of wine this time.

"With Rose and Hugo, I just couldn't handle it anymore, besides, it was no great beauty. You look very well, Severus." He nodded politely and took her in, she looked the same aside from her hair, though her eyes were a bit tired. Severus had convinced himself that she'd be completely different, her figure gone, her everything ragged with the care of small children, but she wasn't. He had the same desire to clear the table and take her against it, but he pushed those thoughts from her mind and instead ordered wine.

"Will you see them, and I won't bring them up again?" Hermione showed him two photos, one of a small girl with long, wavy red hair on a broom, practicing quidditch with her cousins, James Potter obviously next to her and one he didn't recognize, and then one of an even smaller boy, reading a book and looking up, his eyes exactly like Hermione's. If they'd ever had a child, he thought it would look like Hugo, large eyes and lanky, nose in a book, and that smirk, where did that come from? He handed the pictures back to Hermione, and tried to look less Snapely, but he had a difficult time being too pleased for her.

"Only you would have a three year old who can read."

"The only tolerable thing about having children." She joked. "Rose is exactly like Ron, I had no hand in that one, but Hugo is all mine, though he's far more shy. Anyway, enough about them, how are you, how have you been?"

"Tolerably well, I've decided to step down as Slytherin head of house, Declan will take over next fall." His wine arrived, still red and still luxurious. She'd ordered wine as well, perhaps there would be no more Weasleys.

"Finally retiring?"

"No, just preparing for that inevitability. I don't want to die in my labs and turn into Binns. Ghosts aren't conducive to potions unfortunately." She laughed, a real one, and he'd forgotten how it sounded. It was lovely and real, she didn't flatter him.

"How is Minerva? I didn't see her last time I was at Hogwarts." She'd come to Hogwarts? When was this and why hadn't she stopped to say hello to him?

"She's Minerva, toughest woman I know. When were you at the homestead?"

"Last month, it was what prompted me to write you, I came to the lab but you were giving a detention and I thought, it's been five years, why not." He felt the letter in his breast pocket, simple and sweet, imploring him to try and have a nice lunch for nostalgia's sake.

"Sentimental woman, what can this lunch serve to do? We're different people, with different lives." He sounded sharp, cruel almost and he hadn't meant to do that, but it didn't seem to phase her, as she sipped her wine and perused the menu.

"You could've said no, I didn't force you here at wand point." She smiled at him as she spoke, tapping her fingers on the edge of her menu and watching him.

"True, but then I wouldn't have seen your hair and that alone is good enough for me."

"Is it that garrish?" The waiter interrupted them, a woman this time and quote shapely. Severus eyed her form, a larger ass than Hermione but smaller breasts, ugly teeth and certainly no brains.

"The calamari and margherita pizza." He sniped, handing her the menu.

"Caesar salad and eggplant parmesan." There was old Hermione, no surprises this time.

"I'm leaving the department, moving to Shacklebolt's office, Deputy Minister, it's not in the paper yet." He stopped his fiddling with his napkin, shocked. So there were surprises.

"Whatever for?"

"I'm tired of pushing paper, I will never get anything done unless I have a better office from which to push it through. Kingsley is rather a dolt sometimes and I find that if I don't push, he ignores all of my treatises, this way he'll have a harder time ignoring me. Besides, Ron is an auror now and there was a conflict." He wanted to ask who watched their damn children, but he could tell Ron was a sore subject, her tone was surly at best.

"Ambitious one, aren't you."

"Maybe it's hanging around Slytherin's for so long, you know Draco is my undersecretary, he'll move up when I do." A curious grin enveloped her mouth as she said Draco's name, he was sure that there was something more there than she was letting on, but he left it after the Sergei Krum debacle of last time.

"I'm sure his parents love that he's serving under you."

"Actually, Mrs. Malfoy has visited a couple times and has been positively pleasant, Mr. Malfoy, not so much, but maybe he'll come around. Scorpius and Rose are the same age, so they have playdates...sorry, kids. One last thing, though, have you met your namesake? He's so lovely." Severus thought to Albus Severus, who looked so much like James Potter he could've been a clone.

"Yes, I see him every couple of months when Potter comes to talk to the Defense classes, often with your husband. Albus gets dropped off with Minerva who finds it absolutely necessary to bring him to me. I see a Slytherin in him." Hermione laughed again, imagining Severus holding Harry's thought it was odd that Hermione wasn't familiar with her husband coming to Hogwarts every few months, did they talk at all?

"Have you met Lily yet? She's a few months old, a tiny thing." He nodded, knowing someday she would also be dropped off in his lap. He didn't understand people's preoccupations with small humans, they were crass and dirty, often smelly and loud.

"Whatever prompted Potter to name his poor son after me and Albus Dumbledore, I will never understand. But, c'est la vie. Three kids...they must be going for a quidditch team."

"I didn't even want one." Hermione suddenly said as she sipped her wine. "But I'd never say that to anyone but you." He understood her, the way she trusted his judgment of her.

"So I take it they'll be no further Granger-Weasleys?"

"No, I made a permanent fix to that situation, thank goodness. Hugo almost killed me, Ron didn't believe me when I told him I had to get to St. Mungos, I nearly bled to death." He stilled his hand, that buffoon. How she had ended up with such an idiot. 'It's your fault', he thought, they'd be together for twelve years, probably co-authoring essays and presenting potions, she might've taught with him or at least used her talents for more than the years she'd wasted as a pencil-pusher for the Ministry.

"Here you go." The waitress placed Hermione's salad in front of her and his calamari, warm and crisp at his hands. Hermione plopped several calamata olives on his plate and took two of his calamari.

"Insipid woman...why don't you just tell them you don't want the fucking olives?"

"Because I know you like them, you knob, and don't give me that face, I've known you for more than half my life." Popping the calamari she'd stolen in her mouth, she dared him to say another word about the olives, but he didn't. He'd missed this Hermione, the Hermione who didn't back down from his tongue lashing. When she uncrossed her leg, he felt her trainers touch his leg and not move, so she wanted flirtation, or had it been a mistake?

"Have you been seeing anyone?" She boldly asked.

"Same as before, you may hope to find me married with anklebiters of my own, but that isn't going to happen, Hermione. I had to stop seeing someone who, much like you, wanted more. What is it with women like you?" Hermione's fork stopped and she reeled her arms back, crossing them across her soft sweater, leaning forward slightly to whisper to him.

"Women like me? Fuck you, Severus, as though you could ever handle a woman like me again." He almost spit the olive she'd given him out; he'd never heard her speak so vulgarly before.

"I see Weasley has taught you some new vocabulary."

"I'm not sorry I asked, I will ask if we ever see each other again because I want you to be…"

"Happy? I am happy, it doesn't take another person in my life to equal happiness, you daft ninny." He'd bested her this time, delighting in his win he drank his wine quickly, forgoing his earlier plan to drink only one glass as the waitress came back, pouring them both another glass.

"Say whatever you need to get you through the night." Hermione turned her head to the washroom and excused herself, her ass tempting him as she walked away. She was certainly off, like she'd been before except this time, he was far more lost. No engagement, no pregnancy, a new job...he was always trying to unravel Hermione when he couldn't just ask her.

"And I wasn't going to say happy." Her voice brought him out of memories of her, scratching quills in his study as she worked on her first essays for the Ministry, lying against him on the couch and reading, her hands in his pants just as eager to please as always.

"Filius mentioned you have been working on a charms project, how do you have any time for potions and charms, along with your actual job?"

"I find time, I don't want to be a drone for the rest of my life. Besides, Ron and I...well...needless to say, I make dinner and tuck the kids in and get to work." He'd heard what he wanted to all evening, they were unhappy.

"He doesn't mind?"

"Fuck him if he did." She smiled wickedly, unnerving him again as their entrees arrived as though on cue.

"So, there's trouble in paradise?"

"Paradise is a joke, no marriage is paradise and even when I thought myself in a sublime place, in any of my relationships, I've found that there's always a cesspool waiting to engulf me. You're right, Severus, maybe one night stands and casual sex are the ticket, marriage is a complicated mess." She raised her glass, toasting him and drinking the rest of her wine. He saw no regret on her face, she'd meant every word.

"I haven't seen this Hermione in ages, where have you been hiding?" He teased, slicing his pizza into small bites as she stole hers, as usual.

"Apparently I'm frigid, so I guess in ice?" Another scathing comment directed to her horrible husband.

"Damn, I don't pity Mr. Weasley, because I never could, but he has no idea what your wrath can do. Should I owl him?" He finally made her laugh, this time her eyes closed and she was fully gone, reaching to his hand.

"This is exactly what I needed." She sighed, cutting her own meal and taking small bites, obviously lost in thought.

"So, tell me about Draco." Her eyes immediately widened.

"He's come a long way, that's for sure. He doesn't call me mudblood anymore, of course I would fire him if he did."

"That is not what I meant and you know it."

"I do not screw around, Severus, I've told you this before." He placed his fork next to this plate and folded his hands together, placing his chin on them and watching her in varying shades of blush, her mind clearly turning over and over.

"But if you did, would you have him?"

"No, he's married and happily. I would never."

"But you've thought about it, haven't you?" Hermione's face lit up, her earlobes were even blushing.

"Yes, of course I have, I thought about him as far back as sixth year, but thinking and acting are two different things, hell I think about you all the time, that doesn't mean I'm going to show up in Edinburgh in the summer and force myself on you." He loved watching her mouth, Merlin her perfect mouth. So she still thought about him, she would probably be disgusted with how often he thought of her, especially when he was physically with other women.

"And I'm not going to mess up my career either, aside from Rose and Hugo, it's the only thing I've got going for me." She'd hit drunk Hermione, often sad drunk Hermione. When the waitress came back, he ordered her a water, he didn't want sad drunk Hermione.

"Your secrets are safe with me."

"My terrible marriage isn't a secret, well I guess it is to my children, but to everyone else, no one thought we would be a good match except for Molly."

"Then why did you have another child? That seems a piss poor decision if you're unhappy in marriage." Severus knew he was treading on thin ice with her, she'd clam up if he pushed too far.

"Ron wanted another, I didn't. I don't know exactly what happened, but needless to say my contraception potion failed." Severus knew exactly what she meant, her husband had tampered with her supply. Contraception potions were terribly easy to brew, something she wouldn't mess up considering the prestigious career she was building.

"Can we talk about something else, the last thing I want to think about right now is my horrid husband." The water filled her glass and drank it slowly, he watched her gulp, her delicate and lovely neck. He was mesmerized by her, the haircut showed him the way her shoulders rose and fell in her speech, the delicate outline of her jaw, her perky ears...Merline he wanted to whisper naughty things in her ears.

"Where do you think you'll be five years from now?" She abruptly asked, taking another bite of her eggplant parmesan.

"Still teaching most likely, maybe here at this restaurant being accosted by foul language from a former lover." Another laugh, he felt positively on fire.

"I hope I'll published a few more things, Sergei wants me to do a fellowship in Bulgaria."

"You'd move to Bulgaria?" She stole another bite of his pizza and deposited some of her dinner on his plate.

"Not until Hugo goes to Hogwarts, but I can do preliminary things while I wait. If I did take that fellowship, I'd leave the Ministry behind and probably teach, who knows. I don't know if I want potions to be my defining career, I rather enjoy charms and runes, but I haven't been offered fellowships in those."Hermione wiped her mouth and folded her napkin, she could feel the evening waning but didn't feel prepared to say goodbye to Severus just yet.

"What if you were offered a fellowship at Hogwarts, I've heard that Filius is working on something with the Governor's." He could feel her happiness from across the table, he needn't even look at her.

"But, he hasn't mentioned it at all. Gods, I'd have to take a sabbatical from the Ministry, Draco would have to do my job." Could he see her everyday again? Could she walk the halls of Hogwarts again and he not want to pull her into every alcove, into his dungeons, and find the old spark?

"Just act surprised if he finally gets approval. I have it on good authority that you'll be completing something combining your passion for charms and another subject, though he hasn't been very specific with me. Though I'm sure if you prodded Minerva enough, she would tell you." It was as though every bad thought or cloud over their conversation had been lifted, she looked every inch the girl he'd known in the classroom, if her hand had been raised it would be 1996; except this Hermione had loved him, this Hermione had made him tea each morning and muffins, homemade with raspberries and clotted cream.

"Coffee?" The waitress asked, but Hermione was thinking too much on Professor Flitwick.

"Yes two, and extra cream for this one." He pointed to Hermione, desperately lost in thought.

"You know it could take years for approval, no one has done a fellowship at Hogwarts since before I was a student."

"The stone age? Wow." He actually smirked at that one, he'd brought sad drunk Hermione around again to his favorite Hermione. They drank coffee and continued in happy conversation, so far the afternoon going far better than it had the previous time. Service was great and for once, neither left angry or aloof. When she stood and he pushed her chair in, Hermione took her peacoat and buttoned it quickly, her fingers had memorized the action so easily. They stopped outside, the rain threatening. It felt awkward then, for the first time since they'd sat down. But Hermione took a leap and hugged him tight, placing on chaste kiss on his cheek and walked away to her apparition point, disappearing as quickly as she'd shown up. Severus didn't quite know why he kept meeting her or why he'd initially started their odd lunch routine; he was obviously a glutton for punishment. As he turned towards his flat, he could still smell her on him, his hands, his arms and he felt disgusted with himself for how much he loved her smell, he loved her.


	3. Chapter 3

Fifteen years

They both simply showed up at the restaurant five years later, neither wrote to the other, they just sort of assumed the other would show. Hermione arrived first again, this time taking a booth and waiting for him, tucked in a corner so she could spy him before he found her.

"You can't hide from me, Hermione." He noticed her hair first, it was long again but softer, forming loose curls around her face, her eyes looking bright as ever, certainly not as tired as they'd been the last time. She was wearing a black dress and tall heels, her legs looked criminally good, it took seconds before he felt the arousal he knew he would; she was ageless and he felt like an old fool.

"Gods, you look handsome. I love this." She reached up to his hair, shorter and mixed with a little salt.

"Flattery will get you nowhere." Rolling her eyes, she rest her chin on one of her hands and eyed him, drinking him in.

"How have you been? I didn't see you in Munich last year." Though they'd exchanged a few letters, Severus hadn't talked to Hermione in person in five years. He'd avoided his usual conventions after realizing he was in love with Hermione and though he'd been able to temper himself, he worried seeing her dressed so delectably in her black dress would undo him.

"Well enough, Minerva is retiring this summer so I am being promoted. Any hopes I had of retirement are gone. I didn't think I would ever hold this title again. Your poor children." Her pinky rested between her lips as she laughed at him.

"Congratulations, I didn't realize she'd finally decided. Last time I spoke with her, she was still going back and forth. Filius is going to be deputy?"

"Yes, unless you finally agree to his fellowship." Her blushed showed, going all the way to her chest, at least what he could see of it. He studied her cleavage for a moment, noting that her breasts were still larger than they'd been when they were together.

"He only got it approved in February, it's not as though I have been sitting at my home with nothing else to do except consider his proposal. Draco and I pushed through four new legislative actions this quarter, not to mention my potions essay with Sergei. He knows I will let him know by June."

"First, potions with Sergei? I thought you weren't brewing with him any longer." The wine came, they had the same waitress which was odd for that restaurant. He loved to watch her hands turn around her glass, before watching it tilt to her mouth, and the wine darken her lips.

"We had a falling out when I refused to move to Bulgaria, but he knows why I can't now and it's fine. We are working a cure for dragon pox, what killed Harry's grandparents, anyway, we have some preliminary findings, would you like to read over it?" She reached into her bag and pulled out a huge folder, their fingers touched during the exchange, and Hermione smiled at him, looking innocent like she had the first time he'd kissed her.

"I can give it a once over, later of course. Now, Draco?"

"You're getting straight into, aren't you." Hermione took another swig of wine and reached across for his hand, putting hers palm up.

"Well, Astoria died and he's completely distraught, you must visit him. Narcissa and Lucius have no idea what to do with him." 'Narcissa and Lucius' he thought, since when was Hermione on a first name basis with the Malfoys?

"How recently?"

"Last week, he's on leave indefinitely. Scorpius stayed with me until yesterday, he's completely devastated and Rose tried her best to make him feel welcome, I think he wanted a mother around." She still hadn't released his hand, finding some small comfort in the simple action, he could tell.

"I'm surprised Lucius didn't owl me, we haven't spoken much as of late, but this is something I should've known. He's my godson." The waitress came, they ordered the same, this time neither saying much for a while, Severus did not comment about the olives nor Hermione stealing his calamari. Instead, he simply watched her eat and wondered if she was as content as she seemed, her shoulders back instead of sloppy, her eyes meeting his in temerity.

Finally, she broke the void. "I would hate myself if I didn't ask, have you been seeing anyone?" Severus rolled his eyes, of course she would ask, she asked every letter and every time they met. But, he could barely look at another woman without finding himself longing for her.

"No, not even for one night stands or casual sex, as you put it last time. My favorite mistress got married and I've been reluctant to seek someone new, knowing especially that McGonagall would be stepping down." She finished her salad, a little too happily, he thought as she finished her wine and asked for a guinness, surprising him.

"I've been spending time in Dublin, more guinness than wine." She said, responding to his raised eyebrow.

"What about you, how are things in the Granger- Weasley household?" Her guinness arrived and she drank fast, the foam tickling her nose, but she wiped it away before he could make fun of her.

"It's just a Granger household these days. We divorced quietly last year, he's dating Lavender Brown again and if he gets this one pregnant too, they'll be married before the year is out." He heard some spite in her voice but also relief. His tried to temper his own reaction, she was free, perhaps.

"So you aren't seeing anyone, how unlike you."

"I didn't say that, you are making assumptions." Another large gulp, this time he saw a necklace resting on her collarbone and a tan line where her wedding ring had been.

"I won't pry, especially since we've already skirted enough drama." His wine was refilled as he finished his calamari, his hands folded in front of him, slightly annoyed at her teasing.

"I'm not seeing anyone, it's easy to rile you up sometimes, you know. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were jealous for a moment there."

"As though you aren't, asking me who I'm sleeping with every time, despondent that it isn't you." Smoothing her hair over her shoulders, Hermione felt the sting of his honesty.

"I didn't walk away from you, remember, my jealousy is far more justified." He tipped his head to her point, watching her take another large drink of her guinness and then move her bag over to her left side. "I'm going to put my foot up, do you mind? I fell at work the other day and it swells a bit in the evening." He unclasped her heel and removed it, eyeing her ankle and casting a quick spell.

"Can you not heal your own ailments, brightest witch of your age, please."

"I cast the same spell, you plonker, but I'm having some residual problems and I haven't had time to go to St. Mungos. I planned to go after lunch today." He turned her ankle between his hands and then tested the range of her tendons, bending her foot many ways before casting another spell.

"That would be wise, and not wearing these heels would be advisable."

"I wanted to feel pretty, can you blame me?" Her foot rested against his right thigh, it was an intimacy she hadn't considered when she first put it on the seat of the booth.

"Pretty? Gods, you sound like a teenager."

"I'm thirty-five, Severus, with two kids and a divorce, I'm not exactly pushing men away, you know."

"When will you learn that your self-worth isn't tied to a man nor to your attractiveness? You are a beautiful woman with a brilliant mind and that, alone, is enough." He could see her anger rising, her pondering his words, but he meant them. Why couldn't she be content to be alone?

"I want more and I always will. I do not find my self-worth in such trivial things, I can want to feel pretty and still kick ass, you know. I just wanted…" But she stopped. He wanted her to continue, but their entrees arrived and a second guinness for her. For a moment, she simply looked at the her dinner, eggplant parmesan that she had once every five years or so. Severus tried not to stare at her, but he found it odd that she had yet to touch her food, even to lift her fork to steal his newly cut pizza. Abruptly, she pulled her shoe back on and stood, walking to the washroom and leaving him to watch her walk, her legs looking ridiculously long. His wine was refilled while she was gone but he couldn't help but think of her, feeling slightly guilty for dismissing her feelings. When she returned, he could see she was upset, her eyes slightly puffy and red, had he made her cry?

"Hermione?" She cut into her eggplant and ate a bite.

"Severus?" The cold look she gave him made him wish he'd never brought it up, though she needed to hear the words, he could've chosen a better avenue to express them and certainly not when she was dealing with a death and divorce. She tipped her guinness back and drank, refusing to meet his eye again.

"What are you really upset about? It cannot simply be my words, you've heard worse from me."

"Yes, I have and often, but it's been years since then and sometimes I forget just how acerbic you can be sometimes, even if you find justification in what you are saying."

"I won't apologize for the words, but you're right, my tone was not flattering." It was Hermione's turn to look surprised.

"You would never apologize, Severus. And that's fine, that's who you are and I've come to know that. I will not express my frustrations regarding my nonexistent sex life, because you may have accepted defeat but I have not. I go to work each day with damn sexy men whom I cannot even fantasize about without feeling guilty and my ex-husband fucked the other half of Britain, and just when I think I am finally free, I can finally be Hermione Granger again, I am reminded that all I will ever be to most men is a walking textbook who can be relied upon to file paperwork and pass legislation, but gods forbid anyone treat me like an actual human being instead of a brain that happens to talk. For once in my life, it would be nice to be viewed as a woman, an actual woman with feelings and desires that matter more than my work. I've been appreciated for my smarts, but no man I've ever loved has looked at me and thought, wow, I'm lucky to have this beautiful woman...and I get that this is backwards, I should want a man who accepts and adores that I brew potions for fun and create charms in my spare time, but that has obviously not worked in my favor. You'd think I had some bloody pox myself. Am I really that intimidating?" Severus had been completely still and silent while she ranted, his knife and fork cradled in his hands.

"The most intimidating woman I've ever known." He finally said, reaching across the table to her dinner and taking some, since she hadn't offered any and sliding a few pieces of his pizza on her plate.

"You're telling me that Mr. Weasley…"

"He once told me that he couldn't understand what attracted him to me in the first place, I was just sort of there. It's why I cut my hair, really, he made jokes about me being unattractive and when I cut it, he suddenly saw me differently, but it was too late. I don't care if Lavender cuts his dick off, there's almost nothing she could do to him to make me remorseful." It was his turn to fold his arms across his chest and size her up, a little angry that he'd been lumped into the same mess as Ronald Weasley.

"I told you many times I believed you were beautiful."

"You did not, not once, except a few moments ago. And hearing it from you now does me no good."

"Why is that?" She'd pushed him into a defense mode, forcing him to regret his earlier sympathy.

"Because it doesn't, it's not as though you're suddenly going to decide after fifteen years that you're hopelessly in love with me. As my friend, I appreciate the sentiment, but honestly, Severus…" But he'd uncrossed his arms and reached for her hands, causing her to stop talking.

"I never said I didn't love you, Hermione, you decided for yourself that I didn't share your feelings."

"Who would leave someone they loved? Who would willingly walk away from someone so devoted to you that nothing could part you? Severus, why are you telling me this, it makes it all so much worse?" She immediately let go of his hands and grabbed her bag, leaving the restaurant and apparating away, leaving Severus at the table completely gobsmacked. He shouldn't have told her, at least not until she'd calmed down. Leaving money on the table, he walked out of the restaurant and looked both ways, but he knew she was gone. Although he knew where she stayed in Edinburgh when she came to visit, he didn't feel completely comfortable apparating into her private residence while she was so visibly upset. So he turned towards his flat, reminding himself to owl Lucius and Draco, unable to shake the deplorable state Hermione had been in when she left.

As he turned the corner to his flat, he was surprised to see her sitting on the stoop, crying.

"I shouldn't have left that way, I'm an adult, but why did you say that to me."

"I am a selfish man, Hermione. When you were twenty years old, looking up to me, idolizing me, it was too much pressure. I didn't want to hold you back or make decisions that would forever alter what you were meant to do with your life, and it was selfish and self-preservation. Of course I loved you, I love you. You're the most constant thing in my life now aside from Hogwarts." He sat next to her on the stoop and put his arm around her shoulder, and handing her his handkerchief.

"You didn't take into consideration that I would do whatever I wanted to be successful? Or that my heart would mature beyond my 'idolization' of you? What does it matter now. Thanks for this, I'm going to drown my sorrows, goodbye, Severus." She shoved him off and handed back his handkerchief, using her wand to flatten her shoes and started walking to the apparition point on his block, near an alley. He had no idea if he should follow her, part of him wanted nothing more than to take her into his flat and revisit old memories of her glorious body. Instead, he lit a cigarette and continued to watch her, why couldn't he just call out to her or follow her? It was as though his feet were locked in place, squarely on the stones of his stoop.

"Just go after her." He said aloud, his cigarette burning, the smoke wafting in his face. He turned and saw her, standing at the end of his street, looking at him, her tears, her sadness enveloped him from so far away. As she began to turn down the alley, he stood quickly.

"Hermione! Wait!" He yelled, and she turned, a hand resting softly on her hip as she did. What was he thinking? She had two kids and a terrible ex-husband, she came with more baggage than she'd left, but he couldn't let her walk away again. When they met half-way, Severus reached for her hands.

"I cannot promise anything, I won't promise anything, but Hermione, I'm tired of fighting this." He couldn't read her face beyond the sadness, she kept her eyes down on the cobblestones and their feet, unable to look at him.

"I don't know if that is good enough for me, Severus." She let go of him, finally meeting his eyes and he saw fifteen years of hurt in them, the sudden realization that he did love her, that he had always loved her. "But I would like some tea, would that be okay?" He nodded and they walked awkwardly back to his flat, the door opening as they walked through. It was all the same as she remembered, except far cleaner. He made the tea and brought her a cup, eyeing her from across the room in his leather chair, lighting another cigarette.

"Can I have one?" He offered her one, lighting it from his own. She'd never smoked in front of him before, at least not that he could recall. Tea in one hand and a cigarette in the other, Hermione made a pretty picture, her shoes tossed off and toes stretched out on his threadbare carpet.

"How often do you get here?" She asked, noting that everything seemed recently touched.

"At least once a month and more during breaks. Not like you remember it?"

"Not so different, little things." He wondered how long it would be before she delved back into headier topics, but she didn't. She smoked and threw the refuse in the fire, finished her tea and gave him a kiss on the cheek, grabbing her bag.

"You can keep the proposal, I have several copies, but if you have any notes or suggestions, I'll be around Hogwarts before the end of the month or you can owl me." The hand that had been resting on his arm was swiftly gone. Did she really mean to leave?

"Hermione, stay, surely you have things to say." He wouldn't beg, but he did want to assure himself that he'd tried.

"What's the point, Severus? I want more, I will always want more." He'd at least convinced her to stop, even if she hadn't yet returned to the couch.

"I'm not saying no, Hermione, but there's more to consider now, you have children and a public job, I'm going to be the headmaster at Hogwarts."

"You always make things so difficult. If you had actually talked to me fifteen years ago, we could've avoided all these years of heartache and longing, but instead you charged head on and did exactly what you wanted. Right now, I want to lie down and forget everything you've said to me, because now, all I can think is that I've made a mess of things that I thought were settled. I…" She paused, her arms folded across her chest as she stood, unfolding them and pulling her close, whispering in her ear, "I'm sorry I hurt you, I shall endeavor to avoid hurting you again." His hands cradled her face, as his lips met hers. "Stay, you can rest, I'll sleep down here." She nodded and climbed his stairs, finding his room exactly the same aside from a new wardrobe. Unzipping her dress, she found one of his flannel shirts and buttoned it up, noticing him at the door, her only in her knickers and his shirt.

"You don't have to sleep downstairs." She motioned him to the bed, throwing his covers back and taking her old side of the bed, watching him disrobe, the buttons coming apart effortlessly as his adept fingers moved them. Taking another flannel from the wardrobe, Hermione had deja vu, so many nights she'd watched him change into nightclothes, waiting for him to ravage her.

"It's hardly seven o'clock, are you really going to sleep?" Hermione asked, smiling at him, wishing things weren't so complicated.

"It's been a long week and I have class tomorrow. Minerva will come looking for me if I don't go back to the castle before eight tomorrow." Severus was lying flat back on his back, staring at the velvet of his four poster bed instead of the woman next to him, swallowed by his nightshirt and wearing the sexiest knickers he'd seen in years.

"I'd like to see you again soon." He said, turning to her, finding her lying on her side, watching him intently.

"I am free on Sunday, I can come to Hogwarts if that's agreeable."

"Agreed, noon? I'm sure Filius and Minerva will want to see you as well." His free hand rested on hers in the small space between them, then moved to her hair, pushing it behind her ear and shoulder, he wanted to see her eyes more clearly.

"Goodnight, Severus." Hermione bridged the gap and kissed him, turning away from him and letting herself fall further into the mattress. Severus knew he wouldn't fall asleep for hours, but he liked the feel of her next to him, even if she was sleeping on the edge of the bed. A few times he was sure he heard her crying, but he didn't reach for her at first, instead he tried to imagine how she must be feeling, which didn't help him much. When he was sure she had calmed, he put his hand on her shoulder, which she gently grabbed, pulling him closer and herself closer as well, until both of his arms were around her. He finally fell asleep moments later, completely enveloping Hermione.


	4. Chapter 4

Sixteen Years

"I knew you'd be late." Hermione joked as he sat down, across from her in the booth they'd now claimed as theirs.

"Headmaster isn't the same as Potions Master, Hermione." He sneered, noting that she'd already ordered for him, her olives distributed on his plate and a few of his calamari gone.

"I'm not chastising, stating a fact, Severus. Now eat, you look like the house elves have gone on strike." He looked to her, her hair in a messy bun, her dress plum and fitted, her shoes sensible at least.

"Filius sends his regards and expects a report within the week. He said something else about a protean charm, but you'll need to speak to him about that." She flicked her eyes to him and drank her guinness, nodding as he spoke.

"I know he wishes I would live at Hogwarts, but until Rose and Hugo are at school, I cannot move." His calamari were absolutely perfect, the wine had had plenty of time to breathe and Hermione was across from him, wearing his favorite color.

"He'll live. On another note, how is my godson?"

"Draco and Daphne are getting a bit more serious, he's taking her to meet Lucius and Narcissa this weekend, but she's already met Scorpius and he loves her. I just hope he isn't moving too fast, you know how he is. And Astoria's sister, I mean Daphne is practically her twin; I guess he's finding comfort where he can, you know how he is." Jealousy crossed Severus's face, he remembered how she'd once talked about Draco not two tables away.

"Stop being jealous, you know I only have eyes for you."

"It better be only eyes for me and everything else for that matter." Laughing, Hermione took his hand in hers and rubbed his fingers against hers, the tension easing in him.

"Ron had the kids this week, do you have plans on Wednesday?"

"None, unless something happens at the school of course."

"Good, I plan to shag you senseless." He pretended to mark his calendar then kissed her hand, finding it difficult not to buy out the entire restaurant so he could finally fulfill his fantasy of taking her on the table.

"Sergei send his regards, we finally presented our findings for the dragon pox last week, you know, but we won't hear back from the panel until June. Do you think you'll go to Munich this year?"

"If you're presenting, I'll find a way, Sprout can handle the castle for a few days." When their entrees arrived. Hermione immediately gave him a large helping of her eggplant parmesan and took part of his pizza, eating it first.

"Maybe someday I'll get to eat a meal you don't pilfer half of."

"I always share mine, wanker." Sipping his wine and drinking her in as well, he thought the thirties definitely suited her.

"Just think, in three years I'll be at Hogwarts and so will my children, you will have to see me everyday, do you think you'll be able to handle that, Headmaster?" Hermione teased, giving him another bite of her lunch while stealing a small bite of his.

"Thankfully the elves make plenty of food." She laughed into her drink, imagining his food disappearing from his plate each time he tried to fill it, she wanted to keep that thought for later.

"Three years, huh? Well that gives me plenty of time to run you off. The Board of Governors are going to have a field day with us, the Headmaster having a torrid affair with his Charms and Potions fellow. Are your children prepared for the gossip the will endure?"

"They endure plenty now, Molly and Arthur tease me incessantly about you, between us and Ron knocking up Lavender, my poor children have grown some thick skin. I'm more concerned about you, Severus, can you handle the amount of scrutiny we will receive?"

"I handled it when you were nineteen, I can handle it now. Besides, we have three years to figure it all out, perhaps we'll have made things concessions by then." She smirked, what did he mean by concessions, but Hermione had learned not to question Severus. After she'd spent the night the previous year, they'd spent weeks hashing things out until he was sure she wasn't delusional about who he was and what he wanted, and she was adamant that he understood that she would never give up hope of someday living together, harmoniously as they once had, in the knowledge that they were exclusive and perhaps even getting married at some point, though he had been leery to even talk about it. They saw each other a couple times a week, sometimes more in the summer, and they both enjoyed the agreement they'd made to take things slowly, refusing to rush into something due to their strong feelings. Not that there was any danger in Severus rushing into anything, really.

"Well, concessions or no, it'll be an interesting adjustment. It'll be so odd being back there, and as a fellow and not a real student. Neville will be back by then, teaching first and second years, right?"

"Must you remind me?"

"You hired him. Besides, you know he loves herbology, it's the thing he's good at. Hannah will love having him back, I'm sure." Severus rolled his eyes and finished his lunch, wiping his mouth before downing the rest of his wine.

"Bloody romantic."

"Make fun all you want, but you love my romantic heart."

"I have never said that and I won't, cheeky woman. Gods, what was I thinking. I should've let you walk to the close and leave, one less headache in my already addled brain." She splashed him with her water and pushed her plate away, thankful the check had come so they could leave. He helped her with her coat, another abnormally cold April in Edinburgh met them at the door.

"Don't be too cruel to the students, Severus." She whispered, standing tall to kiss him once they cleared the door.

"I make no promises." She nibbled his lip and held him tight, knowing she wouldn't see him for three days, though a much better prospect than five years.

"I know that all too well." One more kiss and she turned from him to her apparition point. Severus watched her go, wishing for a moment that they didn't have to say goodbye to each other so often, but knowing that the parameters they established protected both of their sanities and hearts. When she turned to step into the alley, she waved and blew a kiss, shaking his head he pretended not to see and turned to his own path, lamenting for a moment the fifteen wasted years. 'Three more years', he thought to himself, 'three more years until she is my wife'. He smirked and apparated to the gates of Hogwarts, the smell of her on his hands, his clothes, on his face, leaving him in such a pleasant mood that he only took twenty point from Hufflepuff when he found two students snogging in the corridors.

*Tamara- I did the title from the Tonic song, I normally get my fic titles from songs because they are such great inspiration. This was a hard fic to write emotionally for me, because it was so unrequited in parts and also because I struggle with writing post DH Snape- I always fear I make him too nice. He didn't seem to nice in this one. Thank you for your reviews!


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